Tired of Trying to Appease You

You know, there comes in a point in every relationship and friendship when you have to step back and take inventory. You have to whip out the clipboard, tally the score and haggle with yourself--what will I tolerate? Who is expendable? What can I do to fix this, or is there any fixing it?

I'm at that exact point right now in a friendship that I really did, and still do, value. I am at the end of my patient little rope. I feel like I have been a pretty good friend to this person. I have looked out for her and kept her secrets...I have gone out of my way to let her know that I think about her...I have helped her in every way I can and I have tried to give the best advice possible. I really genuinely care about her, but there's only so far that my care and concern can be stretched.

I feel like I am constantly trying to appease her--say the things she wants me to say, agree with her point of view even when I don't really, apologizing even when I don't feel like I've done anything wrong (that is probably the one that bothers me the most and I only ever do that because I can't stand for someone to be mad at me, even if they have no right to be). Not only do I step up as a friend and do normal friend things out of love and appreciation, but I do things that I probably shouldn't just to avoid her irrational wrath and immature temper.

Last night, for instance: I had a date with a guy that I've just recently starting see who, by the way, she set me up with. After our dinner, we were supposed to go to her house to drink a little and play games. Turns out, though, that my date had had a really bad day and was really tired (partially from working all day and partially because he has some pretty serious health concerns that do cause him to become fatigued fairly easily) and all he really wanted to do was have dinner, go watch a movie, take a nap and then take me home early. I sent her a text explaining the situation and asking for a rain check and she went absolutely ballistic. I was actually caught completely off gaurd by the whole thing. If the situation were reversed, and her husband had been worn out and wanted to reschedule some pretty casual plans, I would have been pretty understanding and just told her to have a good night anyway. Isn't that what friends do?? You forgive little inconviniences and flaws, make allowances for mistakes and extend understanding to sticky situations (especially those that weren't that big of a deal to begin with).

The worst part is that I do feel really bad. She has this infuriating way of making me feel bad about myself, or making me feel apologetic, when I shouldn't be. I don't feel like I did anything wrong, certainly not anything to deserve the verbal lashing I got last night, but here I am, agonizing over what I can do to make it better, how I can appeal to her and make things right again.

Ugh. It sucks even just thinking about it.