The White Sheep

I am so sick of being surrounded by arrogant black women who think they are so fierce because of their skin color and who try to make me feel like a stupid little girl because of mine. They try to exclude me and intimidate me and attack all my weak spots and it's starting to get on my nerves, even though I know they are doing it because they are insecure with themselves and feel pressed to flaunt their race even when they aren't (and probably never have been) faced with adversity or discrimination.

Honestly, I try to avoid interacting with black women at all costs, especially if they are older than me. (Just a note: I have found that black men are much less condescending, confrontational and irrational. I've never had a problem with a black man...I live my life having problems with black women.) And I am sorry if that makes me a racist. But I think I am allowed to say that sometimes I feel unfairly judged and treated because I am a twenty year old white girl. But no one ever says anything about that kind of racism because, what, we deserve it? Because we are young and white, we must be privileged and spoiled and naive and therefore it is the place of black women all over the world to make us feel inferior and weak? Have they accepted it as their responsibility to keep us in our place? I can honestly say that my life has been perfectly shitty, thanks, and I've had to struggle just like everyone else. It's almost like some sort of unspoken competition for the title of Better Woman and that is just so unrealistic. Just like black women don't want to be judged because of their skin color (although they love to be praised for it), I don't want to be judged because of mine. And it is no more okay for black people to make rude generalizations or assumptions about white people than it is for white people to make them about blacks. Racism is racism, no matter which way you flip it.

And the most annoying part is this: I am not allowed to say anything or be pissed off about it because the world is still not ready to accept the fact that black people can be just as racist, close minded and abusive as any white person, and sometimes more. I should not have to allow you to talk to me like a dog, exclude me from work related events or conversations, ignore me or talk trash about me, because of any old race issues or slave horror stories. I was born white just like you were born black and I have no more control over that than you do. And if you think it is ignorant for white people to judge black people based on stereotypes, it is even more ignorant for a black person to mistreat a white person because of the racist or bigot they assume that they must be.

And I am sick of being neutral about my race. Black people get a damn month to celebrate their heritage. There are movies and books and talk shows all about racism and slavery and the opposition and discrimination that black people have had to overcome. Black people are encouraged to show off their skin and be proud of their race. White people have to walk around like mummies and act like they haven't even noticed what race they are. If we were to all run out in the street and start dancing and praising the Lord for making us beautiful and white, the reaction we would get from the African American community would not be a good one. But you know what? I love being white. I love my hair and the color of my skin and my lips and my bone structure. I love that I can lay out in the sun for a few hours and get a pretty tan. I love that my tattoo pops against my ivory skin, like clip art on a blank computer page. I love the way I scar. I love my nipples and my kneecaps. And I love my ancestors. I love the people who discovered and cultivated and nurtured our baby America. I love the people who figured it all out and raised big strong families. I love the people who travelled over ocean and mountain to establish homes here. I love the men who forced our government and looked to the future.

I am not and will never be apologetic and ashamed of my ancestry. I am about as white as they get and I am thankful for that. I wouldn't have it any other way, and not because any other races are inferior, but because white is what I am and what I love and who I am supposed to be. And I really wish that some of these abrassive and obnoxious black women who seem to get so much pleasure out of putting me down and making me feel bad could find some confidence in themselves from within themselves. I think it's really sad when people have to hurt other people or make them look bad in order to feel good about themselves. I am okay with my skin and I am okay with yours. I don't look at you and see a black woman...I see another person. And I am always willing to treat you as such. But I do have my limits. I will not compromise my own beliefs in order to avoid offending you, when all you do is try to offend me.

I'm done.