Am I the only person who finds it incredibly pathetic that, with all that's going in the world today, CNN makes damn sure to find time to keep us all informed of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes and their stupid wedding?

First of all, why does anyone even care? Katie Holmes is a total no talent B-lister whose claim to fame is, sadly, getting to second base with James Van Der Beek on a show that has a cozy little spot on TBS at, what, eleven a.m.? And Tom Cruise...oh my god. He's not even cute. He's somehow managed to make the entire female population swoon over him in cheesy movies with even cheesier music and catch phrases and made way too much money dancing in his damn underwear. He's cocky and judgemental and too short to even count. He's become a multi-millionaire by doing nothing by having his teeth whitened, wearing leather jackets and pretending to disarm bombs.

And my next question would be...WHO IN THE HELL IS TOM CRUISE TO GET MARRIED IN A FOREIGN DAMN COUNTRY IN A FUCKING CASTLE?! The historical value of whatever location this nauseating couple chooses will implode and disappear as soon as they set foot in it. I'm sure they'll choose some really old church with all this religious and cultural significance. Now, the history books will read, "And after Jesus slept in the choir loft...and the first Pope was born on the front steps...and Jimmy Hoffa's body was uncovered in the baptismal...Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes invited all of their other overpaid, anorexic, self-involved and wasteful friends to fly first class on invidiual private jet planes to join them in celebration of their universal (and slightly baffling) sex appeal and affinity for nonsenical religions!"

And Suri. I am so over this stupid Suri business. You want to know what is really sad? What is really a shame? What says more about Tom Cruise (and men in general, but that's a different blog) than anything he's ever done on Oprah's couch or said to Brooke Shields? The fact that the two children he adopted with the lovely and talented and beautiful Nicole Kidman have disappeared off the face of the planet, not to mention to front of all the tabloids. They just don't exist in Tom Cruise Land anymore. It's all about this hairy monkey kid, Suri.

It's just ridiculous. All these "celebrities" make such a big deal about it every time they attend a PETA meeting or donate a couple million to the Breast Cancer Foundation, but then they drive the hummers that are tearing our environment apart and drop a couple hundred thousand on a coat made from the skins of dozens of helpless animals (or blow countless millions of dollars so that they can get married in Italy surrounded by the authentic native peasants). And the bad part is that we encourage them to behave this way. We pay for their lifestyle and then the average person couldn't even get a damn autograph on the street. We sit around and bitch and moan about never having any money and never being able to afford anything nice, and then we pay to go to the movies and ensure that fish-lips Angelina will be able to afford to buy out Prada. Why does Kirsten Dunst make more than a school teacher? What do any of these people even do to deserve this luxury and adoration? Don't even get me started on the fact that Tiger Woods makes more money by knocking a little plastic ball into a hole than most people could ever even imagine getting their hands on, even playing the Power Ball.

I hate that I have to sit here at work and listen to the exact measurements of Katie Holme's extravagent wedding gown or what color underwear Jada Pinkett Smith wore on the plane ride over to the site. Isn't there a war or something going on anywhere?